You've asked yourself that question. Maybe last night.
It often begins the same way. You're lying awake. Something in your life has broken. A relationship. A job. A diagnosis. Something with one of the children.
And then you start searching.
You go months back through your own life. Was it when I said yes to that job? Was it the conversation I never had? Was it the season when I stopped praying?
You're looking for the mistake. Because if you find the mistake, the rest makes sense.
What few people say out loud
A part of you hopes you find it.
That sounds strange. Think about it for a moment and it makes good sense.
If it's your fault, then there's something you can do. You can say sorry. You can pull yourself together. You can pray more. You can do it over.
Guilt hurts. But guilt gives you a task.
The other thing is much worse to think about. That it just happened. That you couldn't have done anything. That you can do everything right and still lose it.
So we keep searching. Not because we're stupid. Because we're afraid.
And then there's the last thing. When we've searched long enough, we always find something. There's always a conversation we didn't have. There's always a week where we prayed too little. That kind of list never runs empty.
That's why I write these articles. You need words for the days when life isn't just running on rails. That's where most of us live. And that's where God is.
The word you get
It wasn't your fault.
I'm not saying it to be nice to you. I'm saying it because Jesus says it.
He actually got your question put to him directly. Come and see what he answered.
They came with a piece of news. They wanted it explained
Something terrible has happened in town. Some people come to Jesus with it.
They don't just tell it. They want to know why. So would we.
"Some people came and told Jesus that Pilate had slaughtered some Jews from Galilee just as they were bringing their sacrifices to the temple. Jesus said: 'Do you think those Galileans were worse than other people because this happened to them?' They were not." (Luke 13:1-3)
They were not.
Four words. He closes the question.
And then he does something no one had asked him to. He brings up another disaster himself:
"And what about the 18 who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them? Do you think they were worse than everyone else in Jerusalem?" (Luke 13:4)
See how well the two are chosen.
The first time it was a person who did something evil on purpose. Pilate was guilty.
The second time it was just an accident. An old tower fell down. 18 people happened to be standing under it.
Those are the two kinds we know from our own lives. Someone hurt you. Or life came down on you without warning.
Jesus says the same about both. No. They weren't worse than the rest of us.
He stood with the best opportunity ever to lay the blame on someone. He said no. Twice.
He didn't just leave them standing there
He also didn't say that everything is random and nothing means anything.
"No, I tell you: your fate will be just as tragic as theirs if you do not change your attitude and seek God." (Luke 13:5)
It sounds harsh on the first read. Now see what he does to the question itself.
They came and asked: whose fault was it? He answers: where do you stand yourself?
They asked about something that had happened, and that no one can undo. He talks about today, which is still going on.
That's the whole difference, and it means everything to you tonight.
Guilt is about what lies behind you. There you can't move a thing. What Jesus points at is about the next step. There you can move something.
That's why his words sound the way they do. "Change your attitude and seek God." (Luke 13:5) He isn't scolding. He's inviting you.
He isn't asking you to figure out what you did wrong. He's asking you to turn around and walk toward him. You can do that tonight, no matter what's on your list.
Why the sentence lives in your head
There's a reason it sounds right when you say it yourself.
The sentence goes like this: if you're prayed for and you don't get well, then there's something wrong with you. Either there's a sin you haven't dealt with. Or you don't believe enough.
It's been said in churches for many years. Not by evil people. By people who had heard it themselves.
I've read my way through what the big healing ministries themselves have answered when someone didn't get well. The answer is the same again and again. Sin or too little faith.
You may never have heard a whole sermon about it. You've just heard it enough times that it became your own voice.
No one said it to you last night. You said it yourself. And you thought it was God speaking.
It wasn't.
I've done the same thing to myself. In my hardest year I said: it's for the Lord's sake. Every time I said yes to one more thing. It sounded noble. It was a way of avoiding seeing what I was doing to myself.
What you can do tonight
Take the list you make at night anyway, and write it down. The whole lot.
Then read it through. Ask one question of every line: would I say this out loud to someone I love?
What you wouldn't say to your loved ones is not from God. Cross it out.
If there's anything left that you actually need to sort out, then sort it out. Call the one it concerns. Say sorry. Clean it up. It takes an afternoon, and then it's done.
The rest is the tower that fell. It stood there long before you.
What have you blamed yourself for that you would never lay on anyone else?
Listen, my friend. You're not someone God walks around. You're loved right now, in the middle of it all, without having found the mistake first. The 18 under the tower never learned why. Jesus mentioned them once, and it was to say that they weren't worse than us. He says the same about you.
Find a place where you're allowed to say "I don't know" about your own life. A community where no one turns it into an explanation. If you don't have such a place, go looking for it. It exists.
And if you know someone lying awake looking for the mistake at two in the morning, then call her tomorrow. You're not to help find it. Just say it wasn't her fault. And stay on the line.
Det spørgsmål har du stillet dig selv. Måske i nat.
Det begynder tit på samme måde. Du ligger vågen. Noget i dit liv er gået i stykker. Et forhold. Et job. En diagnose. Noget med et af børnene.
Og så går du i gang med at lede.
Du går måneder tilbage i dit eget liv. Var det, da jeg sagde ja til det job? Var det den samtale, jeg aldrig fik taget? Var det den periode, hvor jeg holdt op med at bede?
Du leder efter fejlen. For finder du fejlen, så giver resten mening.
Det, de færreste siger højt
En del af dig håber, at du finder den.
Det lyder mærkeligt. Tænk lidt over det, så giver det god mening.
Er det din skyld, så er der noget, du kan gøre. Du kan sige undskyld. Du kan stramme op. Du kan bede mere. Du kan gøre det om.
Skyld gør ondt. Men skyld giver dig en opgave.
Det andet er meget værre at tænke på. At det bare skete. At du ikke kunne have gjort noget. At man kan gøre alting rigtigt og stadig miste det.
Så vi leder videre. Ikke fordi vi er dumme. Fordi vi er bange.
Og så er der lige det sidste. Når vi har ledt længe nok, finder vi altid noget. Der er altid en samtale, vi ikke tog. Der er altid en uge, hvor vi bad for lidt. Den slags liste bliver aldrig tom.
Det er derfor, jeg skriver de her artikler. Du skal have ord for de dage, hvor livet ikke bare kører på skinner. Det er der, de fleste af os lever. Og det er der, Gud er.
Ordet, du får med
Det var ikke din skyld.
Jeg siger det ikke for at være sød ved dig. Jeg siger det, fordi Jesus siger det.
Han fik faktisk dit spørgsmål stillet direkte. Kom med og se, hvad han svarede.
De kom med en nyhed. De ville have den forklaret
Der er sket noget frygteligt i byen. Nogle folk kommer hen til Jesus med det.
De fortæller det ikke bare. De vil vide hvorfor. Det ville vi også.
"Så kom der nogle og fortalte Jesus, at Pilatus havde nedslagtet nogle jøder fra Galilæa, netop som de bragte deres offerdyr til slagtning i templet. Da sagde Jesus: „Mener I, at de galilæere var værre end andre mennesker, fordi det gik dem sådan?" Det var de ikke." (Luk 13,1-3 — BPH)
Det var de ikke.
Fire ord. Han lukker spørgsmålet.
Og så gør han noget, ingen havde bedt ham om. Han henter selv en ulykke mere frem:
"Og hvad med de 18, der blev slået ihjel, da tårnet ved Shiloa-dammen væltede ned over dem? Tror I, at de var værre end alle andre mennesker i Jerusalem?" (Luk 13,4 — BPH)
Se, hvor godt de to er valgt.
Den første gang var det et menneske, der gjorde noget ondt med vilje. Pilatus var skyldig.
Den anden gang var det bare et uheld. Et gammelt tårn faldt ned. 18 mennesker stod tilfældigvis under det.
Det er de to slags, vi kender fra vores eget liv. Nogen gjorde dig ondt. Eller livet væltede ned over dig uden varsel.
Jesus siger det samme om begge. Nej. De var ikke værre end os andre.
Han stod med den bedste anledning nogensinde til at give nogen skylden. Han sagde nej. To gange.
Han lod dem ikke bare stå
Han sagde heller ikke, at alt er tilfældigt, og at intet betyder noget.
"Nej, jeg siger jer: Jeres skæbne bliver lige så tragisk som deres, hvis I ikke ændrer jeres indstilling og søger Gud." (Luk 13,5 — BPH)
Det lyder hårdt ved første gennemlæsning. Se så, hvad han gør ved selve spørgsmålet.
De kom og spurgte: hvis skyld var det? Han svarer: hvor står du selv?
De spurgte om noget, der var sket, og som ingen kan lave om. Han taler om i dag, som stadig er i gang.
Det er hele forskellen, og den betyder alt for dig i aften.
Skyld handler om det, der ligger bag dig. Der kan du ikke flytte noget som helst. Det, Jesus peger på, handler om det næste skridt. Der kan du flytte noget.
Derfor lyder hans ord, som de gør. "Ændrer jeres indstilling og søger Gud" (Luk 13,5 — BPH). Han skælder ikke ud. Han inviterer dig.
Han beder dig ikke om at finde ud af, hvad du gjorde galt. Han beder dig om at vende dig om og gå hen mod ham. Det kan du gøre i aften, uanset hvad der står på din liste.
Hvorfor sætningen bor i dit hoved
Der er en grund til, at den lyder rigtig, når du selv siger den.
Sætningen lyder sådan her: bliver du bedt for, og bliver du ikke rask, så er der noget galt med dig. Enten er der en synd, du ikke har gjort op. Eller også tror du ikke nok.
Den har været sagt i kirker i mange år. Ikke af onde mennesker. Af mennesker, der selv havde hørt den.
Jeg har læst mig igennem, hvad de store helbredelsestjenester selv har svaret, når nogen ikke blev rask. Svaret er det samme igen og igen. Synd eller for lidt tro.
Du har måske aldrig hørt en hel prædiken om det. Du har bare hørt det nok gange til, at det blev din egen stemme.
Ingen sagde det til dig i nat. Du sagde det selv. Og du troede, det var Gud, der talte.
Det var det ikke.
Jeg har gjort det samme ved mig selv. I mit hårdeste år sagde jeg: det er for Herrens skyld. Hver gang jeg sagde ja til én ting mere. Det lød flot. Det var en måde at slippe for at se, hvad jeg gjorde ved mig selv.
Det, du kan gøre i aften
Tag den liste, du alligevel laver om natten, og skriv den ned. Hele molevitten.
Læs den så igennem. Stil ét spørgsmål til hver linje: ville jeg sige det her højt til en, jeg holder af?
Det, du ikke ville sige til dine kære, er ikke fra Gud. Streg det ud.
Er der noget tilbage, du faktisk skal have ordnet, så ordn det. Ring til den, det handler om. Sig undskyld. Ryd op. Det tager en eftermiddag, og så er det gjort.
Resten er tårnet, der faldt ned. Det stod der længe før dig.
Hvad har du givet dig selv skylden for, som du aldrig ville lægge på en anden?
Hør her, min ven. Du er ikke en, Gud går udenom. Du er elsket lige nu, midt i det hele, uden at have fundet fejlen først. De 18 under tårnet fik aldrig at vide hvorfor. Jesus nævnte dem én eneste gang, og det var for at sige, at de ikke var værre end os. Det samme siger han om dig.
Find et sted, hvor du må sige "jeg ved det ikke" om dit eget liv. Et fællesskab, hvor ingen laver det om til en forklaring. Har du ikke sådan et sted, så led efter det. Det findes.
Og kender du en, der ligger og leder efter fejlen klokken to om natten, så ring til hende i morgen. Du skal ikke hjælpe med at finde den. Sig bare, at det ikke var hendes skyld. Og bliv i røret.
Words for the days when God seems silent — two a week, Tuesday and Friday.Ord til de dage, hvor Gud synes tavs — to om ugen, tirsdag og fredag.
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