Have you ever prayed a prayer that was never answered? Not half an answer. Just silence.
Then you also know what happens afterward. To begin with it's the body that hurts, or the finances, or the marriage. But there comes a point where it's no longer only that. That's where your whole picture of God cracks.
And in those cracks one of two sentences grows. Either: he isn't as good as they say. Or: I'm not good enough for him to answer.
Both sentences are wrong. That's why I'm writing today.
The first one to come visiting
When you're lying down there, people come. Good people with warm hearts, and often with food. I love them, and I've been one of them myself.
And then they hand you an answer to a question you never asked. God is probably trying to teach you something. Maybe there's something in your life you need to clear up. There must be a meaning in it.
I call them God's little helpers, and I say it with more warmth than you'd expect. They mean well every single time. And every single time you go to bed with one more thing than you had in the morning. Now it isn't just something that's happening to you. Now it's something that's happening because of you.
I'll come back to them. Today I just want one thing settled before they reach your door.
It wasn't him
Read this slowly, because it's written for exactly the evening when you're lying there calculating what you did wrong.
"Every good and perfect gift comes to us from our heavenly Father, who created the lights in the heavens. His light is unchanging, and he is not hidden by shadows." (James 1:17)
Only good gifts. James puts in the word only, so there's no room to negotiate. From that Father there comes no cancer to teach you humility. There comes no divorce to make you more dependent on him. There comes no child who dies to build your character.
God is not the one who breaks you to pieces.
What you're lying in came from somewhere else. From a world that has broken, from a body that fails, from people who failed you. And in the middle of it he sits down beside you. He doesn't leave the room because you didn't get well.
Let me say it as clearly as I can. I pray for the sick every week. I've seen God heal people while they stood in front of me, and I expect him to do it again. I'm not asking you to expect less. I'm asking you to stop believing that the one who hasn't answered yet is the same one who hurt you.
It wasn't him.
The man who never got an explanation
Job lost everything in a single day. Children, property, health. His friends sat with him for 7 days without saying a word, and then they couldn't help themselves any longer. For 35 chapters they explained to him why it had happened. They were wrong every single time.
And Job cried out to God. He demanded an explanation. He said things many of us wouldn't dare say out loud in a church.
Then God answered. But read what Job says when it's over:
"The only answer I can give is this: before, I had only heard of you; now I have seen you with my own eyes." (Job 42:5)
Job never got an explanation. There isn't a single verse where God tells him why. Job got God. He got him closer than he ever had while everything was going well.
Maybe that's enough. I've come to think it's more than enough.
A better question
At some point I stopped asking "why" and began asking "what now".
Not because "why" is forbidden. God's own Son shouted it from a cross, so that question has the best address in the world. But "why" is rarely answered on this side of the grave, and you can stay stuck in it for years.
"What now" points somewhere. How do I go on with a pain I don't understand? Who do I tell? What do I do tomorrow morning?
And here's what I want you to take to bed tonight. You're not being punished. You're being accompanied. There's a difference, and the difference is your whole picture of God.
What are you carrying around right now that you've never said out loud?
It wasn't him. And he hasn't gone anywhere.
Har du bedt en bøn, der aldrig blev besvaret? Ikke et halvt svar. Bare stilhed.
Så ved du også, hvad der sker bagefter. Til at begynde med er det kroppen, der gør ondt, eller økonomien, eller ægteskabet. Men der kommer et punkt, hvor det ikke længere kun er det. Dér slår hele dit billede af Gud revner.
Og i de revner vokser der én af to sætninger frem. Enten: han er ikke så god, som de siger. Eller: jeg er ikke god nok til, at han svarer.
Begge sætninger er forkerte. Det er derfor, jeg skriver i dag.
Den første, der kommer på besøg
Når man ligger dernede, kommer der mennesker. Gode mennesker med varme hjerter, og tit med mad. Jeg elsker dem, og jeg har selv været en af dem.
Og så rækker de dig et svar på et spørgsmål, du aldrig har stillet. Gud vil sikkert lære dig noget. Måske er der noget i dit liv, du skal have ryddet op i. Der må være en mening med det.
Jeg kalder dem Guds små hjælpere, og jeg siger det med mere varme, end du regner med. De mener det godt hver eneste gang. Og hver eneste gang går du i seng med én ting mere, end du havde om morgenen. Nu er det ikke bare noget, der sker for dig. Nu er det noget, der sker på grund af dig.
Dem vender jeg tilbage til. I dag vil jeg bare have én ting på plads, før de når frem til din dør.
Det var ikke ham
Læs det her langsomt, for det er skrevet til lige præcis den aften, hvor du ligger og regner på, hvad du har gjort forkert.
"Det er udelukkende gode og fuldkomne gaver, der kommer til os fra vores himmelske Far, som har skabt lysene i himmelrummet. Hans lys er uforanderligt, og han skjules ikke af skygger." (Jak 1,17 — BPH)
Udelukkende gode gaver. Jakob sætter ordet udelukkende ind, så der ikke er plads til at forhandle. Fra den Far kommer der ikke kræft for at lære dig ydmyghed. Der kommer ikke en skilsmisse for at gøre dig mere afhængig af ham. Der kommer ikke et barn, der dør, for at bygge din karakter.
Gud er ikke den, der slår dig i stykker.
Det, du ligger i, kom et andet sted fra. Fra en verden, der er gået i stykker, fra en krop, der svigter, fra mennesker, der svigtede. Og midt i det sætter han sig ned ved siden af dig. Han går ikke ud af stuen, fordi du ikke blev rask.
Lad mig sige det så tydeligt, som jeg kan. Jeg beder for syge hver uge. Jeg har set Gud helbrede mennesker, mens de stod foran mig, og jeg forventer, at han gør det igen. Jeg beder dig ikke om at forvente mindre. Jeg beder dig om at holde op med at tro, at den, der ikke svarede endnu, er den samme som den, der gjorde dig ondt.
Det var ikke ham.
Manden, der aldrig fik en forklaring
Job mistede alt på én dag. Børn, ejendom, helbred. Hans venner sad hos ham i 7 dage uden at sige et ord, og så holdt de op med at kunne lade være. I 35 kapitler forklarede de ham, hvorfor det var sket. De tog fejl hver eneste gang.
Og Job råbte til Gud. Han krævede en forklaring. Han sagde ting, som mange af os ikke ville turde sige højt i en kirke.
Så svarede Gud. Men læs, hvad Job siger, da det er ovre:
"Det eneste svar, jeg kan give, er: Før havde jeg kun hørt om dig, nu har jeg set dig med egne øjne." (Job 42,5 — BPH)
Job fik aldrig en forklaring. Der står ikke ét vers, hvor Gud fortæller ham hvorfor. Job fik Gud. Han fik ham tættere på, end han nogensinde havde haft ham, mens alting gik godt.
Måske er det nok. Jeg tror efterhånden, det er mere end nok.
Et bedre spørgsmål
På et tidspunkt holdt jeg op med at spørge "hvorfor" og begyndte at spørge "hvad nu".
Ikke fordi "hvorfor" er forbudt. Guds egen Søn råbte det fra et kors, så det spørgsmål har den bedste adresse i verden. Men "hvorfor" bliver sjældent besvaret på denne side af graven, og du kan sidde fast i det i årevis.
"Hvad nu" peger et sted hen. Hvordan går jeg videre med en smerte, jeg ikke forstår? Hvem skal jeg sige det til? Hvad gør jeg i morgen tidlig?
Og her er, hvad jeg vil have dig til at tage med i seng i aften. Du bliver ikke straffet. Du bliver fulgt. Der er forskel, og forskellen er hele dit gudsbillede.
Hvad bærer du rundt på lige nu, som du aldrig har sagt højt?
Det var ikke ham. Og han er ikke gået nogen steder.
Words for the days when God seems silent — two a week, Tuesday and Friday.Ord til de dage, hvor Gud synes tavs — to om ugen, tirsdag og fredag.
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