Do you want to avoid the holiday nightmare?Vil du undgå ferie-mareridtet?

We were five people in a little metal coffin heading for Germany, holiday expectations sitting at 9 out of 10. Family. Coziness. Books. A little to do, but not too much.

Christina and me. Three girls. A caravan that did not exactly grow the longer we drove. And rain. Hail, actually. For days.

It turned into a holiday that was a 4 out of 10.

Not because there was anything wrong with our family. Not because Germany is a bad country. But because there was an enormous gap between what I expected and what we experienced.

I call it the expectation gap.

Expectation + Experience = Wellbeing.

The wider the distance between your expectation and your actual experience, the worse you feel. The more the experience outdoes the expectation, the better. My camping holiday wasn't bad. My expectations were just far higher than reality could deliver.

Mary knew that gap well.

Her brother Lazarus was sick. She sent word to Jesus. He wasn't far away. She waited.

He came too late — or so she thought. Lazarus was dead. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:32)

The expectation gap at full strength. She expected healing. She experienced loss.

But Jesus was not late. He was about to do something far greater than she could imagine.

The expectation gap is not just a psychological problem. Sometimes it's the very place God is at work.

Here are three things I've learned:

1. Name the gap. Say it before you leave: "We have high expectations. Let's talk about them." Awareness is already half the solution.

2. Align expectations before you go. Sit down. Ask: "What are you dreaming about for this holiday? And what is the one thing you absolutely do not want to spend time on?" A short conversation can save a holiday.

3. A morning anchor. One small routine that follows you. A cup of coffee. A Bible verse. Something that reminds you who you are and whose you are, even when everything else is different.

"He lets me rest in green meadows, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my strength anew," (Ps 23:2-3)

He leads. Not me. Rest is a gift, not something we perform our way into.

And sometimes he leads down roads that look like a metal coffin in the German summer rain.

What's your best holiday advice? What have you learned that turns a holiday into real rest and not just a waiting room? Write it in the comments.

Lower the expectation.

Raise the openness.

Let God lead.

Vi var fem mennesker i en lille metal-kiste på vej mod Tyskland, en ferie-forventning på 9 ud af 10. Familie. Hygge. Bøger. Lidt at lave, men ikke for meget.

Christina og jeg. Tre piger. En campingvogn der ikke ligefrem voksede, jo længere vi kørte. Og regn. Hagl faktisk. I dagevis.

Det blev en ferie på 4 ud af 10.

Ikke fordi der var noget galt med vores familie. Ikke fordi Tyskland er et dårligt land. Men fordi der var en enorm kløft mellem det jeg forventede, og det vi oplevede.

Jeg kalder det forventningskløften.

Forventning + Erfaring = Trivsel.

Jo større afstand der er mellem din forventning og din faktiske oplevelse, jo dårligere har du det. Jo mere oplevelsen overgår forventningen, jo bedre. Min campingferie var ikke dårlig. Mine forventninger var bare meget højere end virkeligheden kunne levere.

Maria kendte det godt.

Hendes bror Lazarus var syg. Hun sendte bud til Jesus. Han var ikke langt væk. Hun ventede.

Han kom for sent — mente hun. Lazarus var død. "Herre, hvis du havde været her, var min bror ikke død." (Joh 11,32)

Forventningskløften på maksimal styrke. Hun forventede helbredelse. Hun oplevede tab.

Men Jesus var ikke sen. Han var ved at gøre noget meget større end hun kunne forestille sig.

Forventningskløften er ikke bare et psykologisk problem. Det er sommetider det sted Gud arbejder.

Her er tre ting jeg har lært:

1. Navngiv kløften. Sig det inden I rejser: "Vi har høje forventninger. Lad os snakke om dem." Bevidsthed er allerede halvdelen af løsningen.

2. Forventningsafstemning inden afgang. Sæt jer ned. Spørg: "Hvad drømmer du om i denne ferie? Og hvad er det ene du absolut ikke vil bruge tid på?" En kort samtale kan redde ferie.

3. Et morgen-anker. Én lille rutine der følger dig. En kop kaffe. Et bibelvers. Noget der minder dig om hvem du er og hvem du tilhører, selv når alt andet er anderledes.

"han lader mig ligge i grønne enge, han leder mig til det stille vand. Han giver mig kraft på ny," (Sl 23,2-3)

Han fører. Ikke jeg. Hvile er en gave, ikke noget vi præsterer os frem til.

Og han fører sommetider ad veje der ligner en metal-kiste i tysk sommerregn.

Hvad er jeres bedste ferieråd? Hvad har I lært der gør ferien til hvile og ikke bare et venterum? Skriv det i kommentarerne.

Sænk forventningen.

Hæv åbenheden.

Lad Gud lede.